The Method by Zeh Juli

Author:Zeh, Juli [Zeh, Juli]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781409028291
Publisher: Random House
Published: 2012-04-04T16:00:00+00:00

Our Home

MIA STILL HAS her ear to the door and is whispering something about Moritz and it being his home and how it was all a mistake, when the doorbell rings again: shriek, shriek. When Mia throws open the door, it isn’t night any more, it’s broad daylight, and Moritz isn’t standing in front of her; it’s the Present, this time in triplicate. All three are wearing hygiene masks; two retreat onto the landing to create more distance between themselves and Frau Holl.

‘Mia,’ says the one who hasn’t moved, ‘I didn’t want to come.’

‘Driss,’ says Pollie, ‘we agreed to stick together.’

‘No, we didn’t,’ says Driss. To Mia she says, ‘They forced me.’

‘Let me do the talking,’ says Lizzie. ‘Good morning, Frau Holl.’

‘Good morning,’ says Mia. Her voice is immeasurably weary. She can guess what the neighbourly deputation is going to ask her. She would have slammed the door already if it weren’t for Driss’s eyes: two round mirrors of devotion, gazing out above her mask. Driss’s eyes are an addiction. Besides, Mia would like to know exactly which part of the story has prompted her neighbours to make their visit now.

‘It’s a great photo,’ says Driss. ‘You look lovely! You made the front page!’ She reaches for the newspaper, but Pollie whisks it away.

‘There’s a photo of me in The Healthy Mind?’ Mia extends a hand, causing Lizzie and Pollie to take another step backwards.

‘More importantly,’ says Lizze, ‘this arrived today.’ She pulls a letter from her tabard and holds it up with both hands. From the look on her face, it could easily be a message from the Almighty, except God, of course, is dead. ‘Date, dear Frau so-and-so, with regard to, and so forth. Listen to this: “It has come to our attention that a resident of your block has been convicted for breaching the Health Code. Infractions of this nature may prejudice your status as a monitored household and will be taken into consideration when you apply to renew your licence next year.”’

‘Who cares about the letter?’ says Driss. ‘The article is great. It was written by your friend. Do you think he’ll call again soon?’

‘I care about the letter,’ says Pollie from behind Lizzie. ‘You’re not the only one who lives here, Frau Holl.’

‘It’s our house,’ says Lizzie. ‘We put a lot of effort into keeping it nice.’

‘Looking after it, cleaning it.’

‘It’s nothing personal. It’s just important to be considerate.’

‘Let me see the article,’ says Mia.

‘Relocation would be in everyone’s best interests,’ says Lizzie. ‘Including yours.’

‘I beg your pardon,’ says Mia. Behind her, in the living room, the ideal inamorata laughs.

‘I think you should stay,’ says Driss. ‘Not everyone is the sister of a celebrity. I think it’s cool.’

‘Are you crazy, Driss?’ asks Pollie. ‘Do you want to be next?’

‘They’ll be writing about you in the paper before you know it,’ says Lizzie.

‘Thank you, ladies,’ says Mia, ‘but I’d like you to leave.’

‘No,’ snaps Pollie. ‘You’re the one who’s going to leave.’

‘Leave me alone!’ shouts Mia.

She steps forward and her neighbours take flight.

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